Phrases that save a lot of grief

• "Without question." - In response to, "Am I prettier than her?"
• "No." - In response to, "Does this make me look fat?" or "Am I getting fat?" or "Does size matter?" (this works both ways, according to Friends)
• "Yes, dear." - In response to, "Do you think {we|you} can ____?"
• "I didn't even notice her." - In response to any question or phrase involving another female (e.g. "Good lord. That girl's boobs were hanging right out of her shirt!")
• "I love you exactly the way you are." - In response to any question fitting this template: "Would you like me better if I {were|had} _____?"

This has been a public service message brought to you by Tony's relationship with Cheryl, and all the blips from that relationship.

Overheard...

Today, while minding my own business:

Girl: I wonder if there's a book called, "Egotist's Guide to Life." If not, I should write one.
Boy: Hahahaha
Girl: What's so funny? I'm serious.
Boy: That's what so funny.