Happy Enough ...

I discovered Vienna Teng today. Listening to her music, particularly Gravity brings me peace right down to my soul.

I feel like nothing else matters when I listen to this piece -- like I just want to melt away into the melodies and let it envelop my entire being so that I could willing drown myself within. When I listen to it, it is easy to forget everything else around me. Time stands still. In my mind's eye, I can feel the notes as if they were whisps of mist swirling around me. They're gentle, but they can bear weight -- I can tilt my head back and rest on the strength of the voice, which is but another, thicker whisp of mist.

There are few other pieces that I really connect with to this extent. The only other one I can think of right now that makes me feel the same way is Vanessa Carlton's cover of U2's Streets Have No Name. The only real connection between these two pieces is that there's a piano going. Maybe I was meant to learn to play the piano.

More Tales from the Other Side (a.k.a. Mongkok)

While in Mongkok with our uncle, our mission also included -uh- seeing where you could get pirated DVD's. Our uncle led us to a shopping arcade, assuring us that all the stalls in this arcade were for such "fahn bahn DVD's" (pirated DVD's).

Alas, the entire shopping floor was completely closed down. These guys had been raided twice just last week! (Two amazing things here: first, that it happened just before we got there and secondly, twice? Didn't the rest of them figure it out when the first batch got hauled off to jail?) Anyway, there were two shops still open there, both porn shops (XXX movies). Interestingly, my uncle told us, because porn is basically illegal in HK, they don't have copyrights on the porn movies... as a consequence, these guys didn't get busted with the rest of the pirated DVD's.

The guys from the porn stores worked a seriously hard sell -- if you thought the guys from Future Shop were annoying, you haven't seen anything yet. The porn store guys were like (roughly): "Hey we have better than 3X movies! We have 4X movies!" And they were doing things like shoving business cards into our hands, and trying to herd us into their stores. They even went so far as to go down the escalators with us to try to convince us. It was really quite something. These guys really are working their butts off to get a sale. Kudos to the porn industry in HK for having such studious frontmen. If Safeway had these guys working the vegetable aisle, we wouldn't need to sell so much bran in Canada.

Hong Kong: The Other Side

We have spent most of our time here in Hong Kong on the "Hong Kong Island," and yesterday ventured to Kowloon Bay, which is part of the "mainland" side of Hong Kong. Our uncle took us into Mongkok (get over the name, because it gets better), and like good tourists, my brother and I soaked up all that the underworld had to offer wholly and completely.

After showing us the kinds of scams that the electronics dealers try to pull (my uncle found a ~$1000 CDN item for 25% cheaper just half a block down), my uncle took us straight into hooker territory. The first thing that occurred to me in this "hooker territory" was (seriously): "Hey, that girl dresses like a girl in Canada." My uncle said to me (a little louder than I would have liked), "Yeah, that girl's a hooker. You can just tell by the way they dress."

It turns out that any yellow or pink sign in Hong Kong is a sign that basically says, "Come on up, we got prostitutes and stuff!" Many of the signs have 300 or 330 or something on them -- I'd assumed this was something like a street number, but my uncle dutifully informed me that these were in fact prices. Translated roughly, one of the signs said, "See what you want, touch what you want, do what you want." Probably they should be appended with, "Get something that you don't want," too.

The funniest thing was seeing a whole street of these yellow and pink signs (alas we were too timid to take a photo) -- basically an entire street of prostitution -- PLUS one blue sign -- a pharmacy. My uncle said, "To buy the condoms from."

More stories from Mongkok tomorrow...

Tony's Guide to Contemporary China, Part 2: Some Tips

Tip 1: Bring Immodium A.

Tip 2: Bring Exlax.

Tip 3: China is a BYOTP environment -- bring your own toilet paper (really!).

Tip 4: Bring alcoholic rub (to clean yourself).

Tip 5: Avoid puddles at all costs. Kids have holes cut in their pants for a reason. (it's weird)

Tony's Guide to Contemporary China, Part 1: The Rules

I have spent two days touring in Xi'an, China. While this has been a largely exciting experience, I feel a need to impart my experience to others planning on touring the region. I will do this with three rules.

Rule 1: There are no rules.

Posted rules, such as road signs, lanes on the road and traffic lights -- rules in general -- are formalities that are rarely observed. The breakneck pace of driving in Xi'an is enough to make even a hardened video-game driver like myself freak out. In our taxi today, we spent a good 25% of the time in the other lane -- i.e. the lane going the other direction. It's not like this lane was clear of traffic, either -- we often had to swerve to avoid other cars. It was hair-raising.

Rule 2: There are no rules.

My favourite example of this rule actually occurred today while we were visiting a Buddhist temple. Posted quite clearly was a sign: "This is a Buddhist temple. Please be quiet, no photos and no smoking." Immediately underneath this sign was a fellow with a cigarette in his mouth, camera in hand, waving at his friends/family yelling: "Hey! Move over here so I can get the Buddha in the picture too!" Brilliant.

Rule 3: If there seem to be rules being applied, they are likely being applied to you.

Today as we were entering the Saaxian Provincial Museum, we encountered a sign, "Bags are forbidden." So, like a good tourist, I had my bag confiscated by the baggage check people after being politely, and then rudely informed that I would not be able to bring my bag in, and that I could just hold my damned water if I needed to drink some.

It was a grand total of 2 minutes before I ran into someone that had a bag -- INSIDE THE MUSEUM. I rationalized this because it was a she and she was holding a handbag. This moment of peace and calm was immediately shattered when I saw another man with a bag. A big bag. A freaking knapsack TWICE the size of mine. And then within the next 15 minutes, I saw another four people with backpacks... Believe me, I was pretty cheesed.

Of course, the sucky thing about forieng places is that you don't understand the language, so you really have no recourse. That sucked. I was not too happy about that.

Tony's Guide to Ancient China: A HOWTO

I have spent the past two days in Xi'an, China learning about Chinese history. Given all that I have learned, I figure I should impart some of that information. If you ever happen to be in Ancient China, there are three big tips (that reflect what I have learned):

1. Avoid building "mausoleums" (a.k.a. tombs).

While the emperor you are building it for may be powerful, benevolent and all that great stuff, helping to build a mausoleum is not a good idea. The reason is simple: when the emperor bites the big one, you will be sacrificed and buried with him to continue to serve in the underworld. What a great surprise and honour, huh?

2. Avoid being a "right/left-hand man" for the emperor.

Because you are so high up in the chain, one of the great perks is that you get to hang out and flirt with the hottie concubines. Not too shabby. The problem is that because you get to hang out and flirt with the hottie concubines, emperors are quite scared you may boink with them. As a consequence, they'll lop off your nuts, first. I guess it depends on where your priorities are.

3. (For the women) Drink lots of booze, eat lots of fatty foods.

Back in the day (as my mom never seemed to tire of telling us), it was a good thing to be chubby. Further, having alcohol in your system made your cheeks rosy, which was known to be a real draw for the emperors.

Tune in next time for a more contemporary look at China.

Tony: An Owner's Manual, Part 1

Congratulations on your recent acquisition of a brand new Tony! Please stay tuned as we give you important information about your Tony unit.

To make Tony miserable, combine any two of the following, or all four for a rollicking good time:

1. Deprive Tony of sleep.
2. Put Tony in an uncomfortably small place.
3. Allow your Tony unit to overheat.
4. Take away Tony's internet access.

The repercussions of a miserable Tony include, but are not limited to the following:

• Whining sounds emanating from your Tony unit.
• Pathetic looks emanating from your Tony unit's face.
• Moisture emanating from your Tony unit's outer shell, and after a long enough period of time,
  
• Body odour emanating from your Tony unit.

Today, I was in a plane where our A/C unit died, and we weren't allowed to recline. Poop. :-(

Design: Environmental Redundancy

In North America, toilets are filled almost to the top with water; in Hong Kong, they are filled only about 10%. If you're a guy that wears glasses, and use the toilet at night, you'll appreciate this.

At night, you're stumbling around, aiming as best you can (remember you can't see very well). The water in the toilet acts as a great redundancy in the environment to let you know you're aiming okay. If you don't hear the splash, that usually means that you're missing. Here in HK, there is no splash, which can cause significant consternation at 2:00am in the morning, when it sounds like you missed everything and are just peeing all over the bowl and onto the floor.

Here is a great case where when one modality (sight) is limited, our ears can help take over. The redundancy in the environment is great. I didn't even notice the redundancy until I came here, and my sense of hearing was hampered as well.

Asian Adults: Support ... is ... Lacking

Asian adults are known to not be very supportive: case in point -- getting screwed by merchants, telling the story about how you thought you didn't get screwed, and then being told you got screwed anyway.

Jon and I managed to score a phone-computer wire for $60 instead of $88. We thought this was a great story of tourist-beats-merchant and happily told the adults last night at dinner. For the sake of our self-esteem, we probably shouldn't have done this since we now know the cable is probably worth about $20.

Hong Kong, Day 3: Briefer Random Thoughts

I think my brain has ceased to function:

• Every whiff you take of Hong Kong is different from the last. I never realized how under utilised my nose was until I got here. There are some crazy stinky smells to be smelled.
• There is an underlying social "class" system that is extremely obvious to any outside observer. It is manifest in the dialogue (or lack of), body language, and even the physical structures of Hong Kong. It is ... interesting.
• I wonder if I stick out like a sore thumb? I look the same as these people (face, hair), but I wonder if I dress differently enough or speak differently enough.
• For some reason, now that I am four days out of a French speaking area (Montreal), a lot of my French has come back to me. I was speaking to my bro in CODE (French) today as we bartered with the Chinese merchants (we assumed they could speak English).
• It is freaking hot here and extremely humid -- I'm not sure how to deal with my boys: boxers give too much freedom (the slapping is annoying), and briefs are too restrictive (the "skin-to-sweat-to-skin" glue-feeling is annoying).
• Here, I am officially a fat guy. No bones about it. Many of these people comparatively emaciated.
  
• Jet lag blows. Big time. I can't even stay awake long enough to finish this (I've already fallen asleep twice).

Hong Kong, Day 1: Random Thoughts

I spent the day shopping (a full 7-hour solo flight)--if you know me in any capacity, you'll know this was a fairly remarkable feat. Being alone though, has the downside of not having someone to relay snarky or thoughts comments to when they occur. So, for posterity:

This post was almost not written (a.k.a. I almost got killed twice today): If you are a traveler and the cars drive on the other side of the street, do not cross the street on your own. Instead, wait to cross the street with people native to the area. This has two benefits: (1) buffer, and (2) they know when to cross the street. The corollary to this is not to cross the street with other foreign travelers; you'll all just die together.

Traveling is exciting (a.k.a. I ate weird stuff today): Those traveling in foreign countries really should be the kind to enjoy unexpected things and the excitement of feeling like an idiot. I do not enjoy either of these two things. And while I did end up enjoying what I got for lunch and dinner today, it was most definitely not what I expected (I think I ordered something different). Of course, since there is something of a language barrier, I did not make a fuss over it -- I just made a face, sucked it up, and ate it. The corollary to this is that if you work in the service industry and want to have a good time, give travelers things they didn't order.

Foreign things are still foreign to foreign countries (a.k.a. IKEA is the same): I visited an IKEA today, and it was exact same as back at home in Canada. I'm not really sure what I expected, given that IKEA is a Swedish store, but not much was different: (1) it still has a long one-way path that forces you through the entire store, and (2) it still has the little pencils. The most interesting thing was that everything was scaled down to match the Hong Kong form factor. Back at home, the kitchens can be huge (you can fit 10-20 people inside one); in Hong Kong, space is at a premium, so the reality is that you can only fit about 3-4 people in a kitchen (uncomfortably) -- the display spaces were scaled down to reflect this reality.

Street-level facelifts are common: Since Hong Kong is so humid, things seem to rott very quickly -- this includes the outsides of buildings. If you were to take a 5th-floor-and-up tour of Hong Kong, you would say that everything looks very old, gross and dead. The interesting thing is that the outside of the first three to four floors of many buildings (at least in the area I was in) are totally remodelled and made into commercial areas, replete with neon signs and huge ads. At the street level, everything looks vibrant and alive.

Lessons from CHI: Part 3

Random shit will happen. How would you change your life or the way you treat loved ones if you knew you would die tomorrow? How would you change your life if you knew a loved one would die tomorrow? Sometimes, being an ear is the best profession.

Someone I consider a good friend, but who I really just met last year, S, got in a huge accident earlier this year -- as a pedestrian, she was struck by a car. She suffered major wounds, losing massive amounts of blood, and from what I understand, was barely spared her life. Amazing. Especially amazing that I didn't even know about it. Perhaps not that amazing, but startling. My friends and I picked up her spirits that night by asking her about what happened, listening, and then finally showing her a good time. On a more juvenille note, I would like to add that it was the first time I managed to get a girl to hop in a hot tub with me while wearing a white t-shirt. Excellent. Unfortunately, we had another girl in our group, who made her wear a black form fitting tank top underneath. Bummer. Anyway, we had a good time with her and had a lot of laughs. It was clear that we got through. It was a good feeling -- even if just to know that we got through just for the one evening.

I learned that people who are suffering really just want someone to be there. Too many people have insecurities about being uncomfortable with the interaction and therefore put it aside, making those who are suffering feel even more marginalized and alone. Suck it up and be a shoulder.